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Text about love = post about addiction

October 1, 2018

Happy October everyone!

 

I love my family.  Those of you who have read my social media posts know I am utterly obsessed with all of my kids and my two granddaughters.

 

One in particular and the spouse of this one, are both going through a HUGE change in that in the past 3 years, they got sober, married and parented with one of my granddaughters.  I love communicating with this couple because I get to see the side of detox I missed when I did it. They both have their own struggles in going through this, but they are doing it.  They are not caving into the negative emotions and calling up their old dealer and they are keeping their jobs and going to bed and waking up every day to get through to the end of it.  I am so proud of both of them and excited to see what they look like on the other side.

 

Five years ago, I stopped doing hard drugs like cocaine and MDMA.  (Full disclosure since I vow to be 100% transparent with you, when I was still in the adult entertainment industry, up until January 7, 2017 I would occasionally take something from another girl at work.  And between May 2017 and April 2018, while I was in my crazy depression-not posted about yet-I actually turned to meth 5 times with "friends")  When I detoxed, it was NOT an instantaneous healing.  I went through not cravings, like you see on after school specials and 20/20, but a deep paranoia and anger that I had to remind myself was all part of the process.  Getting my serotonin levels back on track was strange for me, I couldn't understand why I was so frustrated and full of anxiety all the time.  

 

There was a five day period in May of 2017 I spent in the psychiatric hospital in Boise, ID.  I blamed my ex for leaving as the cause of my depression that led me there, but in retrospect, it was just another of the demons of addiction struggling to keep a hold of me.  I was dosed up with the second drug that scared me for addictive possibilities-Ativan.  

 

Mmmmm, Ativan.  Thank you for making my crazy thoughts fall in line so I can prioritize what needs to be addressed and toss out what is unimportant.  Thank you for making me feel like I am fully in control of my life and that I can make sense of everything to become a big shot badass like I have always dreamed of.  But these journal entries while I was under your "calming control"?  WTH??  They make no sense now that I am sober.  The days of writing calmly in my sterile hospital room are, in reality, mad musings of a nut job.  

 

I was diagnosed as bi-polar suicidal in that five days.  I was on Ativan and Lithium.  After 12 days, I realized I felt calm, but not myself.  I am a very emotional, loving, hyper-sensitive, motivated, excited person.  I was teasingly called "skeeter" as a pre-teen by the teen boys in my neighborhood because of my hyperactive personality.  Calm and in control are NOT adjectives used to describe Genniece Sledge.  And I'm totally ok with that now.  I needed to just BE with my pain and my God and all would level out. (John 11:6)

 

Let me tell you all something that I really want you to HEAR.  God healed me. (Psalm 30:2)  Through the prayers of not only the aforementioned ex, but my church leaders and family members (Matthew 18:20), my humility in coming to God on my face full of emotion and honest faith that He would do as I asked, I was healed of the psychiatric disorders the demons of addiction afflicted me with.  I knew it would happen in a way that would be for the glory of God, so not I, nor the people who wanted me better would be able to take credit for my betterment. (Jeremiah 17:14)

 

Just BELIEVE  and you will be healed. (Luke 7:50, 17:19, 18:42, Mark 5:34, Matthew 9:22, 1Kings 10:9)

 

What do you need to be healed of?  Maybe you have a spirit of offense on you where everything you hear from others makes you defensive, thinking "that's not me" or feeling that a sermon, somebody's conversation with you or an article written by someone you know is directed at you specifically in a passive way to reprimand you.  Maybe you have a circle of friends who continually drag you back into conversations or situations you are trying to avoid to better yourself and you don't know how to say no because you don't want them to feel like you are judging them.  Maybe you have an employer or coworker that you feel is picking on you and instead of realizing you are to focus on doing your job EXACTLY as you were trained to and you will be blameless, your paranoia about their judgment of you is keeping you from being available asset and you will actually cause the troubles you are or will experience.  Maybe you are holding  a lover or a friend to a standard that they are not capable of and this is creating dissension in your relationship with them.  

 

Let your heart know that because you are reading this, you are in my prayers to be healed of whatever binds you to servitude.  Be loosed and go your way!  

 

I love you.

 

 

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