I had court this morning with my daughter-in-law. She filed a no contact order against me citing text harassment and listening to her in court was unnerving and infuriating, equally.
All I want is pictures of my granddaughter. Beautiful Penelope Laine Falconer. Eyes like beautiful sea glass. She was always so calm in my arms, studying me with those pretty eyes. Like a wise old woman, not an infant. And the only two pictures I got from her were of Penelope with her mother. How am I going to blow up pictures of Penelope with the woman who is trying to divorce my son and hang them on my walls?!
It was so draining. Telling the judge my side and reading through the texts I had sent her in desperation to have contact with my shiny Penny. I blame her for wanting complete control in this situation and the one with my son, but I now realize what it's like to feel so very OUT of control of something I want so badly to have a hand in.
I was told to never ask God for patience because I would be tested with opportunities to lose my patience. I now think I asked Him when I wasn't caring about all the pain I would have to endure to find patience. I asked for wisdom, unconditional love and no offense knowing what would come my way and welcomed the challenge. But this breakdown of my family is intolerable. Thinking of the anguish my son is in, not being able to hold his little princess and watch her grow, help her learn to walk and talk, is helpful in putting things in perspective and reveal my selfishness.
"My family is breaking", I told the judge through tears and snot and a quivering voice while I read the text messages begging her to send me pictures and let me be a grandmother to Penelope. I need your prayers, family. I need your prayers to lead my family into wholeness again.